Monday, 10 July 2017

20 Funny Suggestions For Driving In Lagos

Image result for angry black man driving

If you reside already or you intend visiting, here are some funny tips for driving in Lagos;

1. Fear nobody.

2. Every motorist is mad, act accordingly.

3. Immediately lock all doors when you spot a LASTMA official.

4. Yield to Danfos, Kekes, BRT Buses and other commercial vehicles.

5. If you like, don't yield when you see Trailer carrying Container.

6. Apart from those mentioned in number 4 and 5, don't yield to anybody else, they're all mad (In Bobrisky's voice).

7. If you are "on Speed", you have "right of way".

8. Do not give way to traffic coming from any direction, there are exceptions tho, see number 4 and 5.

9. You will ofter have to socialize with other motorists, so be prepared... words like mumu, idiot, oloshi and so on should be practiced before hand.

10. You are expected to hoot as loud as you can once every half kilometer.

11. When changing lanes in traffic, look face.

12. When rain is falling and visibility is reduced, increase your speed.

13. Lane markings are suggestions.

14. If a fellow motorist brushes your car, you are expected to immediately stop in the middle of the road and talk it over.

15. Accidents with G-Wagons and other similarly expensive cars should be resolved as follows
      a. If it is your fault, you have 2 choices, exit your car and vanish or lie on the floor and start crying.
      b. If its the G-Wagon that's at fault, it means you've been paying your tithes. cancel all meetings for the rest of the day, the Lord has buttered your bread.

16. The sidewalk is a spare lane.

17. All toll gates are expected to form lanes equal to the square of the number of gates, so if there are 5 gates, make sure you form 25 lanes.

18. Please enjoy the local traffic cuisine while you snail your way through.

19. We encourage motorists to live out their greatest GTA fantasy in our great city.

20. The use of seat belts is compulsory at all times for your safety.


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