Wednesday, 16 August 2017

The Lovely Danfo Bus Girl - Story By An Anonymous Person

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Something interesting happened on my way to Oshodi this morning. At the motor park, this rough mean-looking conductor was screaming for passengers, his vernacular oscillating between Yoruba and Pidgin English. “Oshodi! Oshodi!” he shouted angrily as I, along with some other passengers, struggled for seats. There was this beautiful young lady who couldn’t throw caution and decorum to the wind but waited patiently until the bus was almost filled. Then she pleaded to sit by the conductor until somebody came down, when she would have a proper seat.

“The bus conductor didn’t even look at her pretty face; he hissed and shouted at the driver to move, while asking the girl why she didn’t rush like the other passengers. The girl started pleading in Yoruba interspersed with English before saying, “I know you are a good man, never mind the fact that you have been shouting”, (that elicited laughter). “Let me sit by your side, please”, she added.
“Finally, with much frowning of face the conductor relented and she sat beside him. It was a tight squeeze but she didn’t complain. Instead, she started praising the conductor who in turn started teasing her, speaking (and sometimes spitting by mistake) into her face but the girl never looked away as she kept smiling. He asked her where she worked and she replied that she was a student at the University of Lagos (UNILAG) studying accounting. The conductor teased her in Yoruba about why her boyfriend didn’t drop her at her destination but the young lady laughed it off and continued to gist with the guy in Yoruba.

“When she reached her destination, the conductor alighted from the bus for her to come down. She did and paid her transport fare. Then the conductor told her to give him a peck on the cheek for being so ‘gentlemanly’, although he was really not serious about it. Then it happened! The lady jumped forward and gave him a peck on the cheek! She then waved bye and ran down to her street.
“The driver and other people began to hail the conductor who started joking, saying he knew he was irresistible etc and others were taunting him. But not long after, the conductor put his head down and became uncharacteristically quiet. The driver soon asked the guy why he wasn’t calling out bus-stops anymore, wondering whether the pretty girl had cast a spell on him. At that point, the conductor said something in Yoruba that I didn’t quite understand and then his voice became emotional and believe it or not, he started to cry. Others were now consoling him in Yoruba.

“When I asked what the problem was, the lady beside me explained that the conductor said he just realised he would never be able to get a girl like that in his life because he is an uneducated bus conductor and she was going to be a graduate. He was weeping because he knew no girl of her class might ever do to him what that girl just did, to touch a dirty person like himself; that the girl is nice and well brought-up and that if he had money he would have chased after her. So the passengers were consoling him in Yoruba that he would go higher in life and be able to marry a girl like that and that he should not cry because it was not the end of the road for him.

“That really touched me. For a moment in that conductor’s life, his facade of a street thug fell away and he was a vulnerable emotional aspiring young man, just like everybody else.”

8 Most Fuel Efficient Cars

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We all know Nigeria’s erratic fuel price situation – one moment it’s up and the next it’s down. The current removal of fuel subsidy has helped stabilize the price a bit, but it’s still on the high side compared to the low prices we once enjoyed. At this point, fuel efficient cars are more or less a blessing to Nigerians. Here are 8 of the most fuel efficient cars to consider the next time you’re in the car market.

Hyundai Sonata

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This is a comfortable ride with great rear-seat room. It’s affordable and has a sound and responsive handling. It has an estimated fuel economy rating is within the range of about 8.5 kilometers per liter to about 13.9 Km/L.

Toyota Camry

Image result for toyota camryRegardless of your reservations about Toyota cars, one thing you have to admit is that they deliver most of what consumers want in a midsized car. It is comfortable to drive, cheaper and easier to maintain than other car brands. The Toyota Camry offers a kind of ‘no-fuss’ driving experience with sound handling and a roomy and comfortable interior that makes it a pleasant car to drive. Its estimated fuel economy within the range of about 9.8 Km/L to about 13.6 Km/L.

Mitsubishi Mirage

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This is another affordable car with an inviting image of economy and thriftiness. However, the vehicle still deals with issues of sluggish acceleration, a not-so-good handling and a not so powerful engine. Nevertheless, the car is reasonably roomy, cheap and economical. Its estimated fuel economy within the range of about 11.2 Km/L to about 17.3 Km/L.

Toyota Rav4

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This SUV provides a strong blend of fuel efficiency, comfort, roominess and reliability. It’s a great family car with sound handling, quiet with a commendable performance. It has an estimate fuel economy range of about 12.75 Km/L to about 15.73 Km/L.

Toyota Corolla

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The Corolla provides a comfortable experience for drivers. It’s quiet and spacious with a secure and reasonably sound handling. It also has a roomy interior and one of the roomiest rear seats. Its estimated fuel economy range is from about 10.00 Km/L to about 13.7 Km/L.

Kia Forte

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With a generous and comfortable interior room and an engine similar to Hyundai Elantra, the ride has a secure but not very agile handling. It’s also fairly absorbent, tending to feel a bit to tender when encountering sharp bumps, but it has a great engine with logically arranged controls. Its estimate fuel economy rating is within the range of about 10.7 Km/L  to about 14.5 Km/L.


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This is a fun to drive car with a perky handling and great engine. It is one of the most fuel efficient cars and offers some luxury features that are rare for compact cars in its category, although it’s not particularly as roomy as the others but it’s still very ok. Its estimated fuel economy range is from about 10.6 Km/L to about 13.9 Km/L.

Honda Civic

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This car delivers great fuel economy, is comfortable with precise handling, a spacious interior but unfortunately not the most reliable car out there. It’s however capable and refined with a reasonably powerful engine. Its estimated fuel economy range is from about 12.3 Km/L to about 13.9 Km/L.

Friday, 4 August 2017

How Some Guys Scope Girls Inside Danfo Buses

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In Lagos, the girls are beautiful and smart. They can easily spot and rebuff a guy preying on them from a distance. But Lagos guys are proving to be smarter. They too have devised a way of getting their heart desires--even in a public bus.

The guy arrived at the motor park and met a half filled Danfo bus with a few passengers. We were all waiting patiently at the Ikeja bus stop. The bus heading to Obalende on Lagos Island was taking too long to fill up. But what can we do but wait?

The motor park milled with people. Area boys and street urchins were harassing drivers and conductors. Vendors of beverages were shouting themselves hoarse and practically coercing agitated passengers for patronage.

In my end of the bus, I poked my head outside to avoid the I-don’t-know-strange odour emitting from the bus. Another sweaty guy has just arrived; He stood outside and surveyed the bus I look at him closely. He was disheveled. There was a gaping wound in his arm which he had not bothered to treat. Then to my horror, he mounted the bus and headed for my direction.

I prayed silently for him to change his mind. But he sat close to me and for a moment, I was almost choking. I poked my nose out of the window to avoid the stench only to be confronted by a beggar who pleaded for money to cure his prostate cancer. A bag of urine with a tube dangled loosely from his groin. Much as I had tried to avoid the bedlam around me, I was confronted from all sides by the chaos.

Then, from the gloom appeared an angelic figure that seemed to have come to take all my troubles away. Yes, she was a thing of beauty. Her figure eight was visible under the tight gown she wore. Eyes turned in her direction as she stood outside the door of the bus. She enjoyed the attention.

She peered in and surveyed the ramshackle inside. Realizing how dirty the bus was, her face broke out in a frown. But she entered nonetheless.
She picked a seat in front of me and sat gingerly–aware of the attention. I observed her closely as she whipped out a top range Samsung phone and began fiddling with it like a toy. Her nails were out of this world. Beautifully designed. She handled the phones stylishly.

All the while, her jaw moved to the rhythm of a mouthful of candy. In the midst of my obsession with the beau, I had forgotten about the guy that had stood outside of the bus all this while. He had been aiming for the seat beside the conductor.

He did not want to 'enter inside'. But all that changed as soon as the girl moved inside the bus. Like a bolt out of the blue, the guy who had all the while been standing at the door had appeared beside the girl. So that is the trick. You stand long enough at the door to see which babe is agreeable enough. Then as soon as you spot one, you spring into action like a tiger and sit beside her. The guy initiated a conversation but the girl was not responding.

Occasionally, she will remove her earpiece when the guy ask a question or say something. She will put them back even as the guy kept pestering her. At a time she would laugh, at another, she frowned or ignored him altogether. Then finally she removed the earpiece and the discussion seemed to come alive.

I was thinking to myself. I like this guy, his tenacity and perseverance. The girl had been putting up a front., but it soon dissolved like sugar in hot tea with the guy’s persistence.

In a Obalende, I watched as the two alighted and walked together for a moment and stood laughing to exchange numbers. Some guys can be very smart.

Thursday, 3 August 2017

How to choose between Diesel or a petrol car

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Most times when you’re faced with the decision to buy a car, it’s usually dependent on a couple factors, price being the most common factor. But how about engine type? Have you ever been faced with the choice of a diesel engine vs a petrol engine and was just stumped? Here’s the break down of what you’re getting with either option. 
A very common question among car buyers is “should I buy a car with a diesel engine or a petrol engine?”. But there are also many people who don’t even know the difference.

Petrol cars

Generally speaking, petrol cars are known to be much quieter than diesel engines. However, the main reason the majority of small cars have petrol engines is because the car is just not that expensive to begin with. This means that adding a diesel engine will hike up the price of the car dramatically.

Diesel cars

Today, diesel cars are much quieter than they were in the past. They are also generally more fuel-efficient than petrol cars, particularly for long journeys. The most contentious factor with diesel cars is that they are more expensive. Diesel per litre in Nigeria is about 170N/litre while petrol is 140M/litre.
Important factors to also consider when choosing to buy a new or used car before you even consider the engine type should include the following;
  1. Fuel efficiency: Many people agree that one of the main motivations for buying diesel powered car is for its fuel efficiency. Studies show that on average, diesel cars consumer 25%-30% less fuel than comparable petrol cars.  Yes you will make less trips to the gas station but diesel is more expensive in this country than petrol. Furthermore,  it is important to consider the fact that diesel powered cars are a great option if you drive long distances regularly. However, if the majority of your driving includes short distance trips, you are probably better off using a petrol car.
  2. Maintenance: Diesel cars typically require less maintenance than petrol cars because they don’t have as many moving parts such as spark plugs or distributors. Diesel cars tend to have a longer life span than petrol cars. Do remember to change oil filters when needed. Failure to do this may cause expensive repairs.
  3. Engine power and performance: A little known fact is that diesel engines are more powerful because of the low-end torque they produce. This makes diesel cars the ideal towing vehicle and rugged enough for hauling heavy load. Alternatively, increased torque also means less horsepower, so if you’re in the need for speed, a diesel car may not be you first option.
  4. Noise and ride quality: Thanks to technology and really smart engineers, diesel cars are no longer noisy beasts of machines. But petrol cars are still quieter, stealthier and sometimes refined than most diesel cars. So it boils down to figuring out if you’re prepared for a little bit of noise.
Pollution and emissions
Ever been stuck behind a bus or truck? Then you’ll be all too familiar with the unpleasant smell and the clouds of smoke coming from its exhaust.
Fortunately, modern diesel vehicles run much more cleanly than they did before. And because of stricter requirements and the advent of catalytic converters, emissions have dropped considerably.

In conclusion
As you can see, both cars come with their pros and cons, so it really boils down to personal preference and what you intend to use your vehicle for. If you’re the road tripping explorer and plan on taking long road trips around the country, then a diesel engine is your best bet. If you are in need for speed, then a petrol car is what you’re looking for.
Are you team diesel or team petrol? Share your thoughts with us!

Monday, 10 July 2017

20 Funny Suggestions For Driving In Lagos

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If you reside already or you intend visiting, here are some funny tips for driving in Lagos;

1. Fear nobody.

2. Every motorist is mad, act accordingly.

3. Immediately lock all doors when you spot a LASTMA official.

4. Yield to Danfos, Kekes, BRT Buses and other commercial vehicles.

5. If you like, don't yield when you see Trailer carrying Container.

6. Apart from those mentioned in number 4 and 5, don't yield to anybody else, they're all mad (In Bobrisky's voice).

7. If you are "on Speed", you have "right of way".

8. Do not give way to traffic coming from any direction, there are exceptions tho, see number 4 and 5.

9. You will ofter have to socialize with other motorists, so be prepared... words like mumu, idiot, oloshi and so on should be practiced before hand.

10. You are expected to hoot as loud as you can once every half kilometer.

11. When changing lanes in traffic, look face.

12. When rain is falling and visibility is reduced, increase your speed.

13. Lane markings are suggestions.

14. If a fellow motorist brushes your car, you are expected to immediately stop in the middle of the road and talk it over.

15. Accidents with G-Wagons and other similarly expensive cars should be resolved as follows
      a. If it is your fault, you have 2 choices, exit your car and vanish or lie on the floor and start crying.
      b. If its the G-Wagon that's at fault, it means you've been paying your tithes. cancel all meetings for the rest of the day, the Lord has buttered your bread.

16. The sidewalk is a spare lane.

17. All toll gates are expected to form lanes equal to the square of the number of gates, so if there are 5 gates, make sure you form 25 lanes.

18. Please enjoy the local traffic cuisine while you snail your way through.

19. We encourage motorists to live out their greatest GTA fantasy in our great city.

20. The use of seat belts is compulsory at all times for your safety.


Saturday, 8 July 2017

12 Experiences Anyone Wey Dey Enter Danfo Wella Can Relate To

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Danfo buses are the real colours of Lagos. Hate them or need them, they are very important to the city’s survival. Whether its 12am or 4am, there is a high chance you will find a bus going your way.
These are the moments people who enter danfo will relate to too well:

1. When 2 conductors start dragging you to enter their buses.

2. When the bus tears your new shirt on your way to a job interview.

3. When you sleep and wake up after your bus stop.

4. When youre sitting between 2 plus sized women.

5. When you remember on your way home that you didn't collect N950 change.

6. When the girl in front of you thinks youre using your knees to press her soft bum bum.

7. When the driver passes BRT lane and LASTMA nabs him in front.

8. When someone turns your shoulder to Matress.

9. When the woman with 3 kids looks at you and says "Uncle please help me lap your aburo, God bless you".

10. When the conductor starts to spit on you while hes shouting.

11. When the conductor refuses to give you your change and then joins you with someone else at the final destination.

12. When the bus gets a flat tire and conductor no wan drop money.

I'm sure we must have experienced one of these things, oya tell us which one.

Friday, 7 July 2017

The Eight Best Ways To Keep Your Car From Getting Stolen

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People are getting better and better at stealing cars. If you've ever lived in a rough neighborhood like Mushin, Lagos-Island, Ajegunle and places like Ikorodu (Badoo Infested Area), you go sabi wetin I dey talk.

Were in 2017 and you've put a lot of work into acquiring that your 2007 Toyota Camry Muscle and you don't want someone to steal it. We at know how to keep your car in your possession with the eight best ways to fight off potential thieves.

8.) Garage It
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Car thieves are always looking for a car out on the street. If you car isn't on the street, it's less likely to get stolen. For those of us who live in cities, this means renting a garage. It's not the cheapest option, but it's an investment in your car's safety.

7.) Keep Your Car in Good Shape

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A well-maintained car will deter potential carjackers. If they see that you care about and take care of your car, you're more likely to have an alarm, more likely to have a way to find it, and more likely to notice it missing.

6.) Have an Alarm Sticker

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Just like the "Protected by Brinks" signs in front of houses deter burglars, so do visual signs of a tougher job for a car thief. In a row of cars, the one with the blinking LED indicating an alarm is probably less likely to get stolen, regardless of whether the alarm actually exists or not.

5.) Don't Leave Valuables in Sight

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Here's a scenario: you see Car One with a box of tissues on the floor. In front of that car is Car Two in which a Samsung S8+, Hublot Watch, and a Laptop are strewn about the passenger's seat. Are you more tempted to break into Car One or Car Two? Pretty simple really — make it seem like there's nothing in your car worth taking.

4.) Park in a Safe Area

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If you park your car an area with a high crime rate, and presumably a high concentration of criminals, it's more likely to be taken than when it's parked in a statistically safer area with good lighting and a neighborhood watch.

3.) The Club

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 Seeing a giant metal bar keeping the steering wheel from moving is a pretty good visual deterrent. And the second step is that you have a giant metal bar keeping the steering wheel from moving. There's a reason these are pretty popular in urban areas. They are, of course, notoriously easy to defeat, but the idea is to get someone to steal someone else's car because it's easier.

2.) Lock the Doors

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 This one seems so simple, and yet is so often ignored. A thief looking for a car to steal is more likely to go for the vehicle whose owner was kind enough to complete his first step for him, and has given him open access to everything inside.

1.) Drive a Manual

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This one's been documented again and again and again. Most people in Nigeria can't drive stick, and if they can't drive it they can't steal it, Shikena.